I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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