Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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