I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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