Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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