just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
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