The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
