this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I'm passing your future prison.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
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