I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
