Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
