please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
