So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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