I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Randomize
