I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize
