I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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