hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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