Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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