its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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