I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
