That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
