my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
