Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Randomize
