You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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