I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
