so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
