i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Randomize