I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
