They should really pass out barf bags in church
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
