Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Drake has all the answers
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Randomize
