I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
