I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize