A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
