i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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