we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Randomize
