Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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