I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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