i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
