my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize