things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
