his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
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