It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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