i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
now i know why i became what i already was.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
