Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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