meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
