all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
