It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
