I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
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