Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Mom said you looked used
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
