there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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