you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Randomize
