No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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