I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Randomize
