it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
