I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
