i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
