she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
