I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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