I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize