why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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