it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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