She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
