Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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