There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
