im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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