I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
