He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
