Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
