He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
