My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
