Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
