i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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