Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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