I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
