Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
