Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
home. puking in laundry basket.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
