And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
