and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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