but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
