Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
