There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
