I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
